Every child is a different kind of flower, and altogether makes this world a beautiful garden. – Anonymous

 

As parents, consciously or unconsciously, we sometimes compare our children to other people’s children. While this can be a great source of pride if your child brings pride, it can also be a source of concern that something is wrong with your child or that you are doing something wrong as parents.

Every child is different and unique. They develop differently, have different personalities, have different strengths, and need different types of support to meet their individual needs. They have different ways of learning and intelligence from one another.

All Children Grow Differently

Children grow and develop at different rates. While their development paths may differ, most of them go through a series of predictable achievements along the way.

Not being able to read or write for a child cannot be used as a standard that they are stupid, it is only because parents and teachers have not found the right method to teach them. It is normal for children to experience accelerated and slower development in different areas over time.

If your child is a little more advanced or a little behind at a certain age – this is normal. If we, as parents and teachers, provide proper care and stimulation, all children will eventually catch up.

All children have different strengths and vulnerabilities. Some are good at sports, some are good at music. Some are very academic, others are not. Some are very anxious and others are more relaxed. Some children sleep well, others wake up all night for years.

Believe that You Are on the Right Path

Many parents are under a lot of pressure to make sure their parenting is right. Some are increasingly under pressure to make sure their children do what they expect in school, community, and work.

Most parents feel that they need to change their parenting and it always fails. Parents often tend to lose confidence in knowing that their parenting is the best suit for their children’s needs. Many parents feel judged by others about their approach to parenting which tends to be different from others.

These feelings and experiences can make parents feel very depressed and have a real negative impact on their upbringing. Many feel that this does not happen to other parents, so they do not believe what you are doing yourself. These are all common feelings and experiences.

You are not alone!

Keep in mind! You do not feel this alone. All parents feel the challenges of parenthood with the same or different challenges. The task of parenting is constantly changing as the needs and abilities of our children change over time.

There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ way of parenthood. What works for one child may not work for another. What worked when children were two years old might not work when they were four.

Adaptability and flexibility are the main things in parenting. You need to go back again to adjust the parenting pattern according to the characteristics of each child and your family.

Apart from that, you can also share common experiences with the neighborhood or positive friendships that can ensure that you are ‘on the right track and increase your confidence in parenting. Believe that you know your child better than anyone else.

The last thing you need to remember is to not compare your child to other children. Whether in front of you or not, avoid making comparisons with your children. Psychologically, this will affect the development of children because they see that their parents do not trust them.

If parents do not trust their children, who else can they trust? Every child has unique and different skills. We cannot force fish to fly because fish are good swimmers. The same goes for children. Having different abilities, we should not compare things that children don’t like with things that other children like.

Many schools already understand the concept that every child is different but still want each child to always be successful in academics. For that, we need to understand the Multiple Intelligences found by Gardner. Where everyone, including children, has different abilities in their development.

Just because your children are not who you think they do not mean they are worthless and does not mean that you have failed to parent. We need to change this statement with positive statements such as “My child may not be academic, but they have other skills”, “Everyone is unique including my child” or “I am a normal parent experiencing common thoughts among other parents”.

May 9, 2021

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